My parents forced me to eat three times a day growing up. No joke. Three times. Every. Single. Day. And it wasn’t always stuff I liked, either. Matter of fact, I complained a lot about what my mom made. “Ewww, gross! Sauteed zucchini? Seriously? Mom, you know we hate this stuff!” So as I approached adulthood I made an important decision. Since my parents forced me to eat while I was growing up, I decided I was done with meals. Oh, here and there I’ll eat out of obligation. I mean, family traditions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah, I’m there. But daily eating? No way. I’m done.
Set in any other context, excuses people make for not going to church sound completely ridiculous. But set in the context of Christianity, people say these things in all seriousness while others nod sagely in somber agreement.
My son told me a few weeks into school that he didn’t like the teacher. He wasn’t getting excited enough about learning, and he didn’t really feel connected to the other kids in his class, so I told him he never had to go back to school again. Who wants to waste their time going somewhere where they aren’t being fulfilled?
We’ve never forced our daughter to stay off the road when playing. We don’t want to restrict her imagination. We allow her the freedom to make her own choices in life.
Okay, Ruth. Come on. That one was just ridiculous. No loving parent would ever say that. That’s a safety issue- a matter of life and death. Exactly. And that’s just my point.
Church isn’t a place you go to get pumped up about life. It isn’t entertainment like a movie or concert. It is literally a life and death matter. Eternal life. Just as a loving parent wouldn’t allow their child to wander in the road or to quit school, a loving Christian parent also does not give the option to their children about going to church, learning Bible stories at home, and praying together. Do your kids always jump for joy when they hear you say, “Time to get up! Let’s get ready for church!” No. They won’t. Do they get excited for school every morning? Hardly. But you still make them go. Why? Because you are the parent and you know what’s best. Even when they complain, you serve them healthful meals and limit their junk food intake. You set boundaries for their own safety when playing outside. You insist they go to school because you’re looking at the long term picture. And you are right to do those things. How much more so are you responsible for doing all you can to secure their eternal well being?
Yes, kids can be brought up in a loving Christian home and still turn away later. That’s on them. But you, parents, have a task of the utmost importance. God has placed these precious children into your homes for such a brief while. You have them with you for perhaps 1/5 of their lives. Set a strong foundation while they are under your roof. Take them to church. Make sure they understand that they are sinners and that Jesus is their Savior. They are never too young to learn this. My one-and-a-half year old sees a cross and excitedly shouts, “Jesus!” Don’t use the excuse that “they wouldn’t understand this.” Try them. I don’t understand it all myself, but I still believe. And you’d better believe that the Holy Spirit works in their hearts effectively. My children sometime amaze me with the insights they pick up during devotions or Bible readings. The strength of their faith often humbles me. Once when I was having a terrible day, my oldest asked, “Can I pray with you?” He was nine at the time. He knows there is power in prayer. He perceives that sometimes there’s nothing he can say that will make it better, so he’ll just go straight to the One who does have that power. Do my own kids complain about church? Yes. Do they tell me it’s boring? Sometimes, yes. They say the same things about school. But church and school are different environments for a reason. School is centered around learning and thus has its own schedule and structure. Church is a hospital for sinners. That would be all of us, mind you. You, me, the drug dealer a few streets away- all of us are sinners in need of a Savior. So what do we do at church? We confess our sins. Why do we do this at the start? To “wipe our feet” before entering God’s house, so to speak. Then we are assured of forgiveness. We hear God’s Word. We sing hymns proclaiming what Christ has done for us. We hear sermons where our pastors preach Christ. We don’t go to church to hear what we have to do to gain heaven. No, Christ did it all. 100%. We can’t do one thing to merit salvation for ourselves. That’s why we hear sermons about Jesus and not about us. We take the body and blood of Jesus in Holy Communion for the strength of our souls. And we depart refreshed to serve God by serving our families, friends, and neighbors in Christian love.
So parents, don’t give in to outside pressures telling you not to force your kids to go to church. Don’t give in to them, either, when they complain about it. Because at some point an amazing thing happens- that kid who complains about church grows up and takes his or her own kids to church every Sunday. Going back to my opening analogy, believe it or not, there came a point in my own life where I realized I actually liked sauteed zucchini (although I never would have admitted that to my mother). Keep at it, parents. Just as we need three meals a day for physical strength and nourishment, so do we need regular worship to refresh and strengthen our souls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make breakfast.
Cuts her out of the discussion – When you act as if she isn’t even there or wouldn’t understand what you’re talking about, she feels a part of her is detached. She sees the marriage as a partnership…in every part of life…even the parts she may never fully understand.
Fails to notice the difference she makes – A woman doesn’t want to be appreciated for only what she does. She wants you to appreciate who she is, but you can admit it – she does a lot. Whether it’s decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean…or that you have your favorite soap…a woman wants to know what she does is valued by you.
Underestimates the small stuff – You only said “this” but it was “THIS” to her. And it hurts. You may even think it’s funny. She may even laugh. But it is often building a wall of protection around her heart each time you do. The key here is that you can’t talk to her like you might talk to another guy. She hears and feels deeper than you do. Words can and do hurt.
Speaks with curtness – When you talk down to her, as if she’s somehow less than you, you bruise her spirit. Deeply. And, you know she’s not less than you…you don’t even think she is…she just can’t tell that sometimes based on your tone and the way you talk to her.
Corrects her as she’s talking – This could be finishing her sentences or speaking for her in the company of others. She feels demeaned and devalued when you present her to others as if she can’t compete with you in original thought…which you know isn’t true. (My wife is much smarter than me.)
Acts suspicious – Don’t misunderstand or misapply this one. When you hide information, even when you think you’re protecting her, you cause her to question your motive. When you protect your calendar…or act like you are upset at the question “What did you do today?” or “What did you talk about?” or “Who was that?” when someone calls, it gives her an eerie feeling something is wrong. And, that hurts.
Admires other women over her – She sees you looking. She may even understand your highly visual make-up. It hurts her, however, when a glance becomes a stare…especially when it happens everywhere you go…all the time.
A wife’s heart, no matter how independent or strong she is, is tender in places. Lots of places. She can bruise easily in some areas of her life…especially the places that involve the people she loves the most…like you. A husband who understands this is more careful in how he speaks and responds to her.
Most husbands I know would never injure their wife knowingly. They want to be her protector. Men, when we don’t realize the damage we are doing to our wives emotions, we invalidate every desire we have to be her defender. I always like to use this thought as a reminder: Would I ever allow another man to speak to or treat my wife like I am doing? She’s a precious gift guys…let’s treat her well.
Put him down in front of other people – Most men will not counter this type of humiliation in public…if ever. They will simply take it…and hurt. If they do eventually address it it will be out of stored up resentment…maybe anger…and it won’t be pretty.
Go behind him when he tries to do something at home – When you always show him how much better you can do things than he can do them, his ego is injured. When he fixes the bed…for example…and you follow behind him showing him the “correct way” immediately after he finishes, he is reminded he doesn’t measure up to your standards.
Constantly badger him – If he doesn’t do what you want him to do…and you remind him. Again. And, again…it never accomplishes what you think it will. In fact, it injures him with the opposite result.
Use the “you always” phrase…excessively – Because…he “always” does… Not really, but when you accuse him that he always does…sadly, it only helps build him into a man that always will.
Hold him responsible for your emotional well-being – Acting as if he’s the reason you feel bad today…and every other day you feel bad…puts undue pressure on him he doesn’t know what to do with. And, you don’t have to tell him. Subtly, just be in a bad mood towards him…without releasing him from guilt. He’ll take the hint…and own the responsibility. He will think it’s his fault even if it’s not. And, he caries that pain.
Complain about what you don’t have or get to do – He has a desire to fix things. He wants to be a provider. Every man does. Some attempt to live it out and some don’t. But, when he’s trying, doing the best he can, yet he feels he isn’t measuring up…he’s crushed. When you are always commenting on what other women have…that you don’t…he carries the blame…even if you’re not intending it to be his.
Don’t appreciate his efforts – Want to injure a man? Refuse to appreciate the things he feels he does well. It could be work, a hobby or a trait, but he feels part of his identity in the things he does. When you don’t find them as “valuable” as he does, his ego is bruised.
The reality is a man’s ego…self-confidence…sense of worth…is greatly tied to his wife. Just as a woman’s is to her husband. We can be fragile people. Some more than others. And, some seasons more than others. Understanding these issues and addressing them…with a third party if necessary…build healthier, stronger and happier people…and marriages.
I understand some women, especially the equally or more wounded women, are going to take offense to this post. I get that. I’m prepared for that…I think. All I can say is that you can’t measure my heart or my intention. As I said, I aim to help. You can’t address what you do not know. If you are guilty of any of these, the response is up to you. If not, well, thanks for reading to this point in the post anyway.
Unrealistic expectations – Ephesians 6 tells the father not to “exasperate the child”. I was guilty of breaking this command at times. Unrealistic expectations often build perfectionistic tendencies in the child and often creates co-depency traits. I sometimes expected more of my boys than they were old enough to do at the time. I expected perfection from them too often. A 10 year old boy is a 10 year old boy. Now, there should be some non-negotiable standards of behavior for a 10 year old, but at 10, kids make mistakes. Why should that surprise me? I’m still making mistakes at 50 years of age. Sometimes I wish I would have lightened up a bit on my boys.
Lack of priorities – When everything and everyone else in life has more value than the time a parent spends with a child they know it. And, it hurts them. They may not even know how to verbalize what they are missing. They aren’t always wise enough yet to look at their life and see how important they should be in a parent’s week. They only know they wish they had more time with the people they admire the most. Someday they’ll know what they missed.
Sharing more than they can handle – Children do not have the emotional capacity to handle everything an adult deals with in life. Whether its an upcoming weather situation or a tragedy in the news or it’s not being able to make monthly personal expense, we create unnecessary fear and anxiety in our children when we share too much information. I’m not suggesting we shelter our children. Actually, I lean more the opposite way. We were very open and honest with our boys, but we were careful how, what and when we shared with them. We thought through the way in which we shared information, being very careful to share only what was needed and in a way that provided clarity not fear.
Giving everything – We sometimes set children up for disappointment in the real world when they never have anything remaining on their want list. Years ago I heard a statistic that most children get the majority of what they want these days — that wasn’t always the case, but as adults, few of us get all that we want. If we aren’t careful, we cause children to struggle with contentment in life, because they don’t know how it feels to wait for what they want.
Over protecting – Children need to learn to fail. There will be a day when can’t shelter them from the world. The more we let them make mistakes when we are still able to help them recover, the better they will be prepared when they no longer live under our roof.
Under protecting – This world is evil. Children don’t have your experience. They aren’t ready to make all the decisions that come their way. Many parents delegate too many choices to their children. There’s a time to give them freedom to choose, but when it’s a matter of moral right and wrong, especially in the earlier years of a child’s life, parents sometimes have to be the bad guy.
Missed teaching moments – We sometimes ignore the power of a moment and we may never get it back. Devaluing the importance of “now” causes many parents to miss the best opportunities for teaching life-changing principles. That moment of discovery is huge for a child. It starts by knowing what you want to teach your children — the values you want them to hold — and constantly looking for life situations that allow you to plant them in your child’s heart.
I realize I’m stepping into dangerous territory when I enter into someone else’s parenting. My only aim is to help. I know parents desire to parent well. But at my age, I’ve made enough mistakes I’m starting to learn from some of them. Before I start to forget them I thought I’d share. Apply as necessary.
Let me also say that grace is always available in your parenting — and it’s never too late. Even adult parents can make changes for good in their parenting. I’ve shared before that my father wasn’t always there when I was growing up, but he taught me how to finish well better than anyone could have done.
Better Business Bureau warns of “one ring” scam
Published: Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2014 10:46 a.m. CST
By NORTHWEST HERALD
The Better Business Bureau is warning consumers of a cell phone scam it is calling the “One Ring” scam, that can result in unauthorized charges appearing on a consumer’s cell phone bill.
According to a news release, a scammer will program a computer to send thousands of calls to random cell phone numbers, ring once, and disconnect. When the call is returned, the caller is charged $19.95 for an international call fee, and a $9 per minute charge.
“As yet, we have not had any complaints filed but given how rapidly this scam is spreading and growing across the country our opinion is it won’t be long,” Steve J. Bernas, president and CEO of the Better Business Bureau serving Chicago and Northern Illinois said in the release.
Consumers who have been duped by these calls report that they are coming from the Caribbean Islands, including Grenada, Antigua, Jamaica, and the British Virgin Islands, according to the release.
First of all, I ask you to find out if your child is using the popular social media photo app Snapchat and then read this entire post. Yes, I know it’s long, but I’m serious here…Serious enough to spend part of my New Years Day providing this post to plead to you to protect yourself and your children.
Second, just go to this link: http://lookup.gibsonsec.org/lookup , yes, right now, and input your and your children’s Snapchat user names into the box and see what comes up. Then come back here and read the rest of this post.
Well, what did you see? Your phone number? Your child’s phone number? Yep, phone numbers and names were leaked from Snapchat. I checked…Mine was. I also checked your kids who were my contacts on Snapchat, and they were leaked too.
The leaked user info from SnapchatDB matches phone numbers to user names, and in some was in retrospect probably inevitable. Just a week ago, a group of researchers calling themselves Gibson Security not only publicized how easy it would be to acquire data like this from Snapchat, but detailed how one might go about doing it. And so someone has!
Fortunately—well, relatively—the minds behind SnapchatDB have shown some restraint, blurring out the last two digits of phone numbers to “minimize abuse.” They are offering, however, to show the full listings “under certain circumstances.”
If names and phone numbers were leaked, don’t you think pictures could be too?
Although it seems to be a fun app to take goofy pictures and send them to people and the pictures “disappear” (more on that soon), Snapchat is really just an avenue of nefarious activity, with possible negative effects on our children later in life when snapchatted photos surface of them online.
Here’s an email about drafting the first press release, included in the court documents. (The app was originally called picaboo)
And this is an exchange between the creator and a person they are asking to promote the app’s release.
The creators refer to themselves as “certified bros” who brag about their fraternity getting kicked off Stanford’s campus. And they refer to women, their target demographic, as “betches.”
Is that how you like to be talked about? If you are a parent, are you excited about your daughter being targeted to send images through a service to “certified bros” who call your daughter a “betch.”
I think not.
The fact is that SnapChat was created as a sexting app.Like a do it yourself version of Girls Gone Wild. You might not use it that way, but that’s what it was created for.
And the fact is that the images are not deleted, according to the terms of service, they can store for whatever purposes they want for as long as they want.
(Read this article about the lawsuit, including more documentation about how the creators talk about women, the app, and their hopes to get very rich selling your usage data.)
Worse yet?SnapChat is funded with venture cap money, lots of it. So the goal of SnapChat is to sell it for a lot of money… including all of the data… meaning you have zero control where your “private” images will one day end up.
Check this little gem out in their privacy policy: “Sharing of information: We may share information about you as follows or as otherwise described in this Privacy Policy: In connection with, or during negotiations of, any merger, sale of company assets, financing or acquisition of all or a portion of our business to another company;”
What does that mean? That means your “private pictures” are ultimately for sale. And you’ve given them permission to sell them.”
You read above about how the photos aren’t deleted but stored on Snapchat’s servers to be used for whatever the creators want. Check this out from MSN.com http://goo.gl/wEGucH:
“According to a KSL report, a 24-year-old digital forensics examiner in Utah has found a relatively easy way to recover supposedly deleted photos from the incredibly popularSnapchat app.
Back in December, Buzzfeed discovered a simple way to retrieve supposedly deleted Snapchat videos. The whole gimmick behind the app is that app users can send friends photos and videos, which are then supposedly deleted 10 seconds later. The photos and videos are supposed to be wiped even from the company’s servers.
Now, Richard Hickman, of Orem, Utah-based firm Decipher Forensics, says that along with videos, he and others like him can recover the photos that Snapchat says are gone forever. Hickman told a local TV station that it takes him about six hours to recover the shots. But they are available. He says he’s already perfected the method for recovering photos on Android devices, and is now looking to do the same for shots taken with iPhones.
“The actual app is even saving the picture,” Hickman told the station. “They claim that it’s deleted, and it’s not even deleted. It’s actually saved on your phone.”
Hickman says that rather than deleting the photos, Snapchat’s makers simply affixed an extension on them. That extension makes them ‘unviewable’ to most of us without a background in computer forensics. But when an expert like Hickman gets his hands on the phone, it only takes a few hours for him to find the photos that might be of interest to parents, teacher, and law enforcement.”
So parents – I beg you to dig into this yourself, and then I hope that you will decide that this app should not be on your child’s phones. Even innocent photos can come back to haunt. Read the story of Angie Varona, who shared some images at age 14 and is now a face & body used to sell porn and fake Facebook accounts against her will.
One other item to note…It is possible to take a screen shot of a Snapchat. Imagine your child sending a not so proper Snapchat to some who takes a screen shot of it. That screen shot can be passed around, posted on internet sites, or held on to haunt a person later in life.
There is a growing epidemic in America that is taking the lives of our young people. It’s in most of our homes and it can easily be obtained from a friend or doctor. Prescription drug abuse is real problem among teens and young adults that gets bigger every year.
According to an alarming report by the Centers for Disease Control, prescription drug abuse takes the life of one person every 19 minutes. In teens and young adults, fatality rates are only increasing. Between 2000-2009, deaths for poisoning in teens raised an alarming 91 percent due to prescribed medication.
These aren’t drugs that kids are buying on the street corners. About 70 percent of prescriptions drugs kids take are from their own homes.
Just take a minute to think about how many over the counter medications you have. One from a tooth ache you had two months ago or a bottle of pills you have to take the edge off a particular stressful week — they’re all there in open season for a child to experiment with right now.
Abuse can also start from medication from a prescription for a child’s sports injury or a perceived attention problem.
In our over-medicated society, kids are given medication every day to manage discomfort, anxiety and other behavioral disorders. But the truth is we set them up for failure.
From an early age, kids are pressured to meet unrealistic goals whether it is for academic achievement or sports recognition. This obsession with success leaves many parents too ready to give their children pills to cover up minor problems that are more of environmental issues than physical.
Now, that is not to say we all shouldn’t strive to succeed, but the destructive circle of forcing children to perform and medicating them when they don’t measure up to preconceived standards can set them on the path for substance abuse.
A DrugFree.org study out earlier this spring showed that one in six parents thought that using prescription drugs to get high was safer than street drugs. That line of thinking is dead wrong. A Yale School of Medicine study found that teens who use marijuana between the ages of 12-17 were two times more likely to turn to prescription pills for their fix. It is because of these findings that many researchers argue that early intervention is key to stamping out drug abuse.
The solution to stamping out the plague of prescription drug abuse starts with education. Eighty-one percent of parents reported that they have spoken about the dangers of using marijuana with their children, but only 14 percent said they were ever told of the risks of misusing prescriptions, as found by a DrugFree.org study.
Together with schools, parents need to recognize the accessibility of these drugs to young people and teach them the dangers from an early age. Families also need to be engaged with their children and willing to be parents. When children display behavioral issues, it often isn’t just an independent issue and the entire family must be treated or else it is just putting a band aid on the real problem.
A pill isn’t always the answer. We have to look at the enablers of this epidemic — the doctors, families and our culture — and become more proactive about changing our behavior. Much like the root of this problem, a lot of this starts at home.
Need help with substance abuse or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMHSA National Helpline.
As a follow up to my previous post about the girls who were arrested on charges of aggravated stalking, and their cyber-bullying of Rebecca Sedwick, I’d like to offer you a guide on Cyber-Bullying from Walt Mueller at the Center for Youth and Parent Understanding. www.cpyu.org.
The sheriff who arrested two girls for allegedly bullying a 12-year-old into committing suicide says authorities are trying to decide whether they can also charge one of the suspect’s parents.
The pair — ages 12 and 14 — were arrested Monday and charged with third-degree felony aggravated stalking in connection with the death of Rebecca Sedwick, of Lakeland, Fla., who jumped from a cement factory tower Sept. 9.
Rebecca, who authorities say was bullied relentlessly for months, was “terrorized” by as many as 15 girls physically and online. One message to Rebecca said she should “drink bleach and die.”
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Tuesday that the bullying began after the 14-year-old suspect began dating a boy Rebecca had been seeing. She “began to harass and ultimately torment Rebecca,” Judd said, and prodded the 12-year-old to join in.
The younger suspect has shown “remorse and cooperation” over the incident and was released into her parents’ custody, according to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office. The older suspect, described by Judd as “very cold,” is in the custody of the Department of Juvenile Justice.
The sheriff said authorities are still investigating the girls, and also trying to decide whether the parents should be charged.
“I’m aggravated that the parents aren’t doing what parents should do,” Judd told reporters. “Responsible parents take disciplinary action.”
Judd told NBC’s Today on Wednesday that investigators so far have found no criminal charges that could be filed against the parents, “but if we can find contributing to the delinquency of a child, we would certainly bring that charge.”
He said the parents of the 14-year-old suspect are in “total denial.”
“They don’t think there is a problem here, and that is the problem,” he said. Judd added that the girl’s parents gave her back her Facebook access even after learning about her alleged bullying of Rebecca. “That’s terrible,” he said. “That’s why we moved fast to lock their daughter up.”
Rebecca Sedwick, 12, of Lakeland, Fla., is shown in a family photo. She killed herself Sept. 9, 2013, after enduring months of bullying .(Photo: Family photo via WTSP-TV)
The sheriff said the tipping point leading to the arrests came when the older suspect allegedly posted on Facebook on Saturday: “Yes ik [I know] I bullied REBECCA nd she killed her self but IDGAF [I don’t give a (expletive)]”
“We decided, look, we can’t leave her out there,” the sheriff told reporters. “Who else is she going to torment? Who else is she going to harass? Who is the next person she verbally and mentally abuses and attacks?”
The suspect told deputies that her Facebook account was hacked and that she did not write that post, WTSP-TV reported.
A man who answered the phone at the older suspect’s Lakeland home told the Associated Press that he was her father and said that “none of it’s true.”
“My daughter’s a good girl, and I’m 100% sure that whatever they’re saying about my daughter is not true,” he said.
A man who answered the door at the home of the younger suspect identified himself as her father. He told WTSP that he had lost a daughter himself years ago and that his whole family is devastated over what happened to Rebecca.
“I feel horrible about the whole situation, but like I said, there’s two sides to every story,” he told the Tampa TV station.
“The day that this happened, we all felt super horrible. I’ve even brought my daughter numerous times to the grave where she jumped. She even went over there and prayed at night, but that’s all that can be done right now and I can’t really say too much more,” he said.
John Borgen, the boyfriend at the center of the feud between Rebecca and the two suspects, said he was “shocked” by her suicide.
“(It) made me mad because she should have just told somebody,” Borgen told WTSP. He said he knew as many as 15 girls from school were teaming up against his former girlfriend, but never expected what happened.
“They need to take life seriously,” Borgen said. “Why do you need to be bullying somebody?”
Rebecca’s mother, Tricia Norman, told reporters that the day the arrests were announced was “really rough,” WTSP-TV reported.
“It is bittersweet for me,” she said. “There’s some relief. There’s some regret. There’s some sadness because of her birthday being this weekend.”
Norman, who has created an anti-bullying page on Facebook in her daughter’s name, said the suspects needed help.
“I can’t say that I want these girls to spend the rest of their time in jail or any time in jail, but they do need serious rehabilitation,” she told reporters.
Rebecca’s mother said both girls were former friends of her daughter and that the younger girl had even been in her home for a slumber party.
“I had to ask her to leave because of problems with other girls. She was doing bad things and gossiping; she made other girls cry,” she said. “I told her she had to leave. I always had a bad feeling about that girl.”
Sheriff Judd, noting the suspects have clean criminal records, said that the girls — if convicted — are not likely to serve much time in jail, if any.
Greggornation 