Did any of you Google “Phoebe Prince” like I suggested in my last post? For the next few days, we will be examining what drove this young girl to do the unthinkable. Pulled from numerous sources about this young girl, I urge you to share these posts with your friends who have children. Most young people who are bullied are ashamed to admit it. If you can help me get these posts into the hands of other parents, we could hopefully prevent other tragedies.
It was fall when she moved from Ireland into western Massachusetts. A new town, a new high school, a new country, a new culture. She was 15, when all that matters is being liked and wearing the right clothes and just fitting in.
Fast forward to January. She couldn’t take it anymore. On that fateful winter day, Phoebe was walking home from school when one of the Mean Girls drove by in a car. An insult and an energy drink can came flying out the car window in Phoebe’s direction. Phoebe kept walking, past the abuse, past the can, past the white picket fence, into her house. Then she walked into a closet and hanged herself. No-one could have predicted how hard it would be or that her younger sister would come home from school one day to find Phoebe’s lifeless 15-year-old body hanging from her closet.
What led to this tragic ending?
You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I’m nothing You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I’m wounded You, pickin’ on the weaker man
Well, you can take me down with just one single blow But you don’t know what you don’t know
For those of you with teenagers, you probably know these lyrics. If not, ask your child and I’m sure she’ll be able to explain them to you. When you get to the end of this post, you can watch the video.
Taylor Swift’s “Mean” is a story of universal tales of getting picked on with a colorful theater show starring the country singer.
Someday I’ll be living in a big old city And all you’re ever gonna be is mean Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?
You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them I’ll walk with my head down trying to block you out ’cause I’ll never impress you I just wanna feel okay again
The video opens with Swift strumming a banjo in front of her backing band, who inhabit a lush stage setup resembling a farmhouse and begins playing alongside her. The jamboree offsets the painful tales of bullying: a well-dressed boy is prodded in a locker room by the football team, a female fast-food worker is victimized by a group of high schoolers, and a girl is shunned by the popular crowd and forced to eat lunch in the bathroom. All of the stories are resolved at the clip’s end, with the first two teens landing their dream jobs and the unpopular girl happily watching the star Swift has become on stage. “Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me/And all you’re ever gonna be is mean,” Swift sings while dressed in a glamorous flapper getup.
I’ll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold But the cycle ends right now ’cause you can’t lead me down that road And you don’t know what you don’t know
Someday I’ll be living in a big old city and all you’re ever gonna be is mean Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?
It would be nice if all stories of bullying and teen violence wrapped up nicely like a fairy tale, but they don’t. Bullying can and does scar for life. This song has turned into an anthem (read: fantasy) of the bullied: “Someday, you are going to be sorry for bullying me. I’m going to be rich/successful/famous, and you’ll still be a jerk.” My question is, what happens to those who are bullied who don’t become rich/successful/famous? Do they just grow up to be well adjusted adults? I don’t think so. They will go into adulthood with the same insecurities, fears, and hurts that they grew up with.
And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game With that same big loud opinion but nobody’s listening Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing
But all you are is mean
So, what can we do to make sure that our kids who are bullied and picked on grow up to be well adjusted? We need to start before the the bullying begins. We need to make sure we start building our kids up; We need to make sure that their identity is not in what they wear, the music they listen to, or the friends they have. We need to ingrain in them that their identity is in who God made them to be. We need to be parents who honor our children by making sure that they know they can confide in us no matter what. That “I love you” comes before “what were you thinking?”. If they get into a fight at school, have a crush on a boy, got caught cheating on a test, broke up with a boyfriend, got picked on – our kids need to feel comfortable telling us these things. That begins with open conversations early on in their life, and that they understand that nothing they do will wear out our love for them.
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean
But someday I’ll be living in a big old city And all you’re ever gonna be is mean, yeah Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
It scares me that a child can hold so much power over another child with mere words. Our natural instinct is to tell our children to “buck up”, or , “don’t worry about it, it will get better”. Remember what it was like when you were a kid. Those words are real, and they hurt. Remember sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? Do me a favor, Google “Phoebe Prince” and tell me words don’t hurt.
Why you gotta be so mean?
Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city (Why you gotta be so mean?) And all you’re ever gonna be is mean (Why you gotta be so mean?) Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me (Why you gotta be so mean?) And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
When most people think of school violence, they think of the massacres at Virginia Tech and Columbine High School. While these events were horrific, such events are rare and not stereotypical of violence in schools. Violent deaths at schools account for less than 1% of the homicides and suicides among children ages 5-18.
School violence wears many faces. It includes gang activity, locker thefts, bullying and intimidation, gun use, assault – just about anything that produces a victim. Violence is perpetrated against students, teachers, and staff, and ranges from intentional vendettas to accidental killings of bystanders.
Middle school students are more than twice as likely as high school students to be affected by school violence. Eight percent of eighth graders stay home at least once a month to avoid a bully. The typical victim of an attack or robbery at school is Read the rest of this entry »
Have you caught the story about Shelton, CT high school senior James Tate? He’s the kid who posted some foot-tall cardboard letters on the wall near the school’s entrance. The letters spelled out a prom invitation to a fellow student: “Sonali Rodrigues, Will you go to the prom with me? HMU -Tate.” No profanity. No paint. Just a little old-fashioned creativity and fun.
But school officials didn’t like what Tate did. It seems they called him into the office and told him he had earned a one-day in-school suspension for trespassing, and that since he was suspended after April 1, he wouldn’t be allowed to attend his prom.
Now, word is spreading far and wide about Tate and his punishment, and lots of people are lobbying for Tate to be able to attend his prom. There’s even a Facebook page that’s been set up to support Tate and see the school’s decision reversed.. As of this moment, over 100,000 people have “liked” the page.
I understand that schools need rules. In today’s world, it’s a sad fact that schools need even more rules because fewer and fewer parents are making and enforcing rules. When we don’t step up and take responsibility for ourselves, more rules are needed. But have we gone overboard with all this “no tolerance” stuff that issues immediate consequences without individual consideration or grace? You know, the kind of thing that happens when kindergarten kid gets suspended for having an aspirin in his backpack.
So. . . here’s the question at hand: Should James Tate be allowed to go to his prom? What do you think?
Here’s an article on bullying by Jonathon McKee, President of “The Source for Youth Ministry”:
When Alec was in the 5th grade, he changed in a period of six weeks. Our family had just moved across town and enrolled the kids into a new school. The girls adjusted fine, but Alec immediately became a target of harassment. My wife and I watched a sweet, innocent, gregarious boy slowly chiseled down to a quiet, sad little kid. Bitterness began to emerge. His posture literally changed. Previously he walked with confidence and a little bounce to his step. Six weeks later, his shoulders drooped and his head hung low, almost scared to look around.
It’s sad to see what bullying does to a kid. My dad and I both recognized it in Alec when we first saw it. We knew it all too well. He was emotionally broken.
My dad is 5’4” as an adult. So as you can imagine, as a kid he was small—plus he was shy and a little on the pudgy side. It doesn’t take too many times hearing the words fat or midget thrown at you to develop a complex about your weight and size.
Kids don’t even need physical defects to be bullied, but if you have a major physical flaw, you’re a prime target. My buck teeth provided plenty of ammo for everyone. I shudder even typing those words—buck teeth. It seemed as though there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t hear them. Read the rest of this entry »
Greggornation 