(your sons could benefit from seeing this too) Awesome reminder of who we find our identity in.
Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category
If you have a daughter, please have her watch this. Leave a comment
How Do You Know Your Child Isn’t Having Sex? Leave a comment
IS YOUR CHILD HAVING SEX? ARE YOU SURE???
The truth is that we really don’t know. Especially if we’ve never talked to them about it. Friends, I hate to say this, but Middle School and High School students all over are engaging in sexual activity.
This is about having “the talk” with your children. Quite honestly, there are about 500 painful things I would rather do than talk to my children about sex. I’m sure you’re right there with me. It’s important, though. Our children need to hear from us, their parents, about the correct information about sex and casual hookups can lead to a lifetime of pain. They definitely should not be hearing what the entertainment industry (TV, movies, magazines, etc.) thinks they should learn about sex. If you think your son or daughter is too young to learn the truth about sex, think again…If they watch TV, go to the movies or read magazines, they are learning about sex. But, is is what they should be learning?
Here are a few things to ponder:
- Among kids ages 15 to 17, 44% of boys and 39% of girls have engaged in some kind of sexual activity with an opposite-sex partner. (CDC)
- Although 73% of mothers tell researchers they’ve talked with their teenager about sex, only 46% of teens strongly agreed they had. (Girls Uncovered)
- More than 80% of parents who have sexually active teenagers know that their kids have had intercourse, but only 45% of parents whose teens said they’ve had oral sex knew it. (USA Today)
Again, although these are things we would probably not like to know, those statistics you have just read show alarming reasons why we parents need to have “the talk”. And not just the “mechanics” talk. We need to have the “I am concerned about how our culture says that casual hook ups are ok/you don’t find your identity in how you look and how good you make someone else feel/I am going to fight for you to have a healthy mental state, healthy attitude about sex, and have a disease free future” talk about sex. It’s not teaching our kids about remaining a “technical” virgin until marriage. It’s about deciding to live a pure life so that our kids don’t have to worry about engaging in dangerous, casual sex hookups and the emotional and physical damage that can happen from them. It’s so important for our kids to know that their identity comes from their creator and not from what some boy or girl thinks about them because they won’t give in to the pressure bestowed upon them.
Check out what the February 2013 issue of “The ParentLink” from Group Publishing says about our “hookup culture”:
TACKLE THE LIES OF OUR HOOKUP CULTURE
Casual encounters have replaced dating among many young people, as glamorized in movies such as Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached. These promiscuous “hookups” accentuate the devil’s diabolical skills:
- Mental impact—Satan uses the false promises of promiscuity as a primary temptation to overcome a low self-image: “If you can get a guy or girl to sleep with you, it proves you aren’t as [ugly, fat, awkward, unpopular, generally undesirable] as you think you are.”
- Physical impact—God created sexual foreplay and intercourse as a celebration of unity between a man and woman who’ve vowed to stay together forever. But the devil flaunts sex as just something physically fun to do—a recreational pastime with no downside.
- Spiritual impact—Satan promises relationship through physical intimacy but leaves us with only wounds and damage to our ability to be in relationship with God and others.
The hookup culture is so enticing that conventional approaches to helping kids avoid its traps are nearly useless. Young people need to hear about positive relationships, about how God treasures them as his children, and about his limitless forgiveness.
It’s probably wise to think about the following questions to ask yourself before you have “the talk”:
- How has the hookup culture affected your kids’ attitudes about sexuality? How has it affected your views?
- For you, what’s the most challenging aspect of discussing sexuality with your teenagers?
- What’s the most important message you’d like to convey to your kids about sexuality—and how can you do that?
Lauren Surprenant, a ministry director for Youth for Christ, suggests these redemptive approaches to engaging with young people on the topic of sex:
Ignore the awkwardness. Instead, open your mouth and start talking. Kids may giggle, but they’ll still talk to you. So be adult enough to tackle the topic. You won’t be a magnet for tough questions until you’ve proven you can navigate choppy waters.- Be “for,” not against. Rescuing kids from the hookup culture is centrally about being for the beauty and power of a redeemed relationship with God.
- Move from the givens of promiscuity to the starting point of “asexuality.” Calling kids into a commitment to asexual behavior (no sex) generates more interest and discussion than does the use of churchy words. The asexual standard isn’t simply targeted at intercourse. If kids wouldn’t want Grandma watching them do something, then it isn’t “asexual.”
- Cancel the condemnation. Share the good news of the redemption behind Jesus’ sacrifice. No matter how destructive and repugnant the behavior, it isn’t an impediment to God’s grace and mercy.
- Speak the Truth. If teenagers are turning to sex to fill their God-shaped hole, then they haven’t yet discovered their place in that epic adventure. Remind them that they’re in the story.
A Template for “The Talk”
Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers
By Lauren Surprenant
Use this guide for discussing sexual choices with teenagers. Also pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the words he wants you to say to your kids.
- I’m not going to preach at you; I just want to help you understand the long-term ramifications of sex-too-soon with someone besides your spouse.
- First, you could get pregnant—and you won’t be on a TV show that pays all your bills. Having a baby won’t provide you with someone who will love you unconditionally. (If that’s what you want, get a dog.) If you’re a girl, look at your relationship with your mother; for boys, look at your father. You’ll be just like her (or him), and your child will be just like you. Your child will always have greater struggles, and your life will be over because you’ll exist for your child. And if you think using birth control will prevent these consequences, you’re wrong.
- Next, consider the impact of intimacy and how your sexual involvement will impact your future spouse. The level of intimacy you have with your sexual partner should enhance a life-time commitment. When you save that treasure for the soul mate you marry, sex isn’t a heat-of-the- moment act but a true expression of love. When you hookup as a teenager, however, you will be having an awkward conversation later with the person you’d like to marry—and that could be a deal-breaker.
- Premarital sexual involvement also leads to drama and damaged reputations. Don’t give people “something to talk about.” And don’t do stuff that will come back to haunt you in the future.
- Finally, remember that Jesus sees you as wholesome, valued, and pure. He knows what’s best for you, so consider trusting him by doing things his way. Step away from “sex too soon” and live a life of purity, repenting and walking away from sin.
(Group magazine)
I close with this thought – If God were to give you an item, say a really cool watch or something, and He said “I want you to take special care of this. I am sharing it with you, but you need to follow my directions in taking care of. Don’t let it get dirty, and don’t break it. I need it stay as new as it looks now. Someday I will come for it and give it to someone else, someone very special who will then take care of it for you”, wouldn’t you treat it like the priceless gift it is and follow God’s instructions to the letter? That’s what He did with our children. They are not ours. They are His and we are charged to take care of them in any way we can until the day comes that He gives them to their bride or groom. That just might mean having an uncomfortable talk with them.
For parents, ‘the talk’ may need a reboot Leave a comment
By Sarah White, Special for USA TODAY
Since Jan. 1, California 12-year-olds can get prevention services for sexually transmitted diseases — including the HPV vaccine, hepatitis B vaccine and HIV post-exposure medications — without parental consent. California joins a handful of states with STD-prevention language in their minor-consent laws, including Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Montana, North Carolina, South Dakota and Washington, D.C.
The key to STD prevention is catching kids before they have sex, which is by ninth grade for nearly one-third of teenagers, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports.
Right now, minors in all states can be diagnosed and treated for STDs without a parent’s involvement.
Tips for parents about discussing sex
•Use the teen’s daily life. Whether it’s a Twilight story line or a pregnant classmate, the sexual behaviors around your teen provide great conversation starters, says Carol Ford, chief of adolescent medicine at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. “Ask your teen, ‘What’s your take on that?’ when they’re talking about something happening to their friend” to gauge how your teen sees things and help teens shape their own views.
•Talk early and often. “Plant the idea that you will listen in a non-threatening way, which builds trust,” says Abigail English, director of the Center for Adolescent Health & the Law. If teens can’t ask you for help, send them to an aunt, grandparent or friend’s mother.
•Be “askable.” Teens are more likely to talk when they feel they won’t be judged, says Claire Brindis, professor of pediatrics at the University of California-San Francisco. Try leaving pamphlets on contraception or STDs lying around and asking your teen what he or she thinks.
•Don’t be alarmed. Parents might be upset to see an STD vaccination listed on a health insurance explanation of benefits. But remember, those vaccines are for prevention and do not mean your teen has actually had sex.
Glee Goes All the Way… Again Leave a comment
This week Doug Fields posted an article of mine on his blog encouraging parents to use the “pause button,” the “fast forward button”… and even the “off button” on their TV remotes as they co-view media with kids. Which button does Fox’s Glee require?
This week Glee featured two of the show’s teenage couples each losing their virginity, a homosexual couple (Kurt and Blaine), and a heterosexual couple (Finn and Rachel).
Parents that took time to even notice the show’s content this week are debating the appropriateness. The PTC is outraged (as always), and articles are beginning to emerge asking relevant questions, like this article from Time, What Teen Sex on Glee Really Teaches Kids.
This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Glee address the subject of teenagers losing their virginity. In the 15th episode of Season One, an episode titled “The Power of Madonna,” Glee introduced the same scenario when three couples faced the decision to lose their virginity (the episode was watched by 12.98 million American viewers and was critically acclaimed). After a dream sequence performance of Madonna’s Like a Virgin, two of these teenagers took the plunge and “went all the way” (Finn and Santana), while others didn’t (Rachel, for example). Read the rest of this entry »
How to prevent teenagers from sexting and protect them from other teens who do Leave a comment
With the ubiquity of ever more powerful cell phones, sexting has become an increasing concern for the parents of teenagers and preteens. This article describes how you can protect your child from the dangers of sexting, an activity that has major implications for long-term online reputation and electronic privacy.Sexting refers to sharing nude or near nude pictures, usually via a mobile phone. Most experts distinguish between sending naked photos, an activity with serious privacy, health and legal implications, and simply sending suggestive text messages, which is less harmful.
Understand why teenagers engage in sexting. Read the rest of this entry »
16 and Well Adjusted Leave a comment
Here is a humorous parody on MTV’s hit show “16 and Pregnant”
What’s it like when you’re the only girl in school who’s NOT pregnant?
What Can We Do About Dating Violence? Leave a comment
Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to what we can do about dating violence.
The first step, though, is to realize that it does happen, and it can happen to your child.
It is important to understand that the more you try to pry your child away from the situation, the more she or he will run to it.
Nothing will happen until your child realizes on their own that the abuse she or he is facing is not love. That can come from flyers, magazines, websites etc. Why not find a couple of flyers with a hotline on them and leave them lying around? What about leaving the name of a website around? Here are a few that I find are extremely focused on helping your child:
From Liz Clairborne(click on the image): 
LoveIsRespect.org is probably my favorite site to give to people about teen dating violence. A young person can come across this site and learn what abuse is, what you can do if you are being abused, even what can you do if you are an abuser. Please use this site. It is simply there to help your child.
Another one from Liz Clairborne, but for parents – 
This one is good to help kids respond to bullying, violence, text harassment etc:
Please use these if you need to. Pass them on to your kids. Pass them on to your neighbors and friends. Remember that violence and bullying happen.
Peace,
Greg
11 Facts about Dating Abuse Leave a comment
- Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about it.
- Teen victims of dating violence are more likely to abuse drugs, have eating disorders, and attempt suicide.
- A recent survey of schools found there were an estimated 4,000 incidents of rape or other types of sexual assault in public schools across the country.
- In a study of gay, lesbian and bisexual adolescents, youths involved in same-sex dating are just as likely to experience dating violence as youths involved in opposite sex dating.
- One third of high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
- Dating violence is the leading cause of injury to young women.
- Nearly one quarter of girls who have been in a relationship reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.
- About 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
- Approximately 70% of young women rape victims knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance.
- Six out of ten rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative’s home, not in a dark alley.
- Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk for intimate partner violence.
A Letter to Parents on Teen Dating Abuse from Pediatrician & Expert, Dr. Elizabeth Miller 1 comment
A LETTER TO PARENTS ON TEEN DATING ABUSE FROM PEDIATRICIAN & EXPERT, DR. ELIZABETH MILLER
Dear Parents/Guardians/Educators,
As a physician who specializes in care for adolescents, a researcher on teen dating abuse, and a parent of a teen, I am often asked by other parents to talk about the warning signs of dating abuse, what parents should be looking for, and how they can help their child navigate out of an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to these questions.
A COMMON CHARACTERISTIC
A common characteristic of unhealthy and abusive relationships is the control that the abusive partner seeks to maintain in the relationship. This includes telling someone what to wear, where they can go, who they can hang out with, calling them names, humiliating them in front of others. Over time, the isolation from one’s social network increases, as the abuser insists on spending time “just the two of us,” and threatens to leave or cause harm if things do not go the way they want, “You must not love me.” Creating this isolation and dissolution of one’s social supports (loss of friends, disconnectedness from family) are hallmarks of controlling behaviors. In addition, abusers often monitor cell phones and emails, and for example, may threaten harm if the response to a text message is not instant. Parents are rarely aware of such controlling tactics as these occur insidiously over time, and an adolescent may themselves not recognize the controlling, possessive behaviors as unhealthy. “They must love me because they just want to spend time with me.”
WARNING SIGNS
While the following non-specific warning signs could indicate other concerning things such as depression or drug use, these should also raise a red flag for parents and adult caregivers about the possibility of an unhealthy relationship: Read the rest of this entry »
The Ups and Downs of Teen Romances (Re-Post) Leave a comment
I feel this is an important article that needs re-posting:
What’s Really Going On With Significant Others?
An article from David R. Smith
Girls get a manicure and pedicure. Guys get a haircut and call up a friend to brag about who they’re going out with that night. These are just a few of the things teenagers do before the date.
But what are they doing during the date?
Ahhhhh, dating…the complicated and awkward attempt of putting one’s best foot forward, with the hopes of fooling another into thinking life can’t continue without them. As stressful and as tedious as dating usually is, plenty of teens still do it. A report entitled “Kiss and Tell,” published by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned PregnancyM, found that seven in ten teens say that most of their friends are in romantic relationships.
That’s a lot of dating!
Parents and youth workers have long-recognized that teenagers can experience tremendous highs and desperate lows when it comes to dating. When the Facebook profile changes from “single” to “in a relationship,” the words of Charles Dickens have never been truer: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
The Worst of Times
Let’s go ahead and get the bad news out of the way. Not everything is roses and candy in teenage romantic relationships these days.
In the Kiss and Tell report, researchers found that 17% of teens say they don’t know anyone who serves as an example of a healthy relationship. As unfortunate as that is, the results of that reality are far worse. It becomes little wonder why researchers have been documenting unsettling findings in the areas of sex, pregnancy, and even violence, as it relates to teen dating.
One of the things we know teenagers are doing on dates is having sex. Read the rest of this entry »
Greggornation 