Author Archive
Did you know that 30 percent of women murdered in the US are killed by their boyfriends, husbands, or exes? Or that 20 to 25 percent of college women will experience attempted or complete rape in college? Date rape, intimate violence and relationship abuse are issues that many women face every day. We talked to New Jersey-based counselor Dari Dyrness-Olsen, author of Safe Dating for College Women, about what women can do to protect themselves while dating and in a relationship. Here are her top 10 tips for staying safe.
10 TIPS TO PREVENT RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC, author of Safe Dating for College Women, is nationally known as “America’s Safe Dating Coach.” She is currently working with New Jersey legislators on passing the “Safe Dating Law” that will require all public middle and high schools to add Safe Dating Curriculum to their annual health curriculum. Dyrness-Olsen is also working with the national organization Love Is Not Abuse and other states to model what she is doing in New Jersey. Here are her 10 tips to stay safe while you’re dating.
1. Don’t buy into “love is blind”
If relationships started off abusive, then no one would ever date. Dating abuse slowly rears its ugly head over time, as the relationship progresses. Before you know it, you have fallen in love with the person who is treating you badly.
2. Know the red flags of dating abuse
Dating abuse is all about power and control over another person. Do you fight a lot? Is he mean to you? Does he put you down? Does he text you obsessively and need to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing? Does he want you to spend all of your time with him?
3. Set the bar high
You deserve to be in a safe, healthy and loving relationship. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. When you love yourself, you can love other people, and they can love you back in a healthy way.
4. Be aware of family dynamics
When kids grow up in abusive families, there is very good chance they will follow in their parents’ footsteps. The apple often doesn’t fall far from the tree, unless they have received professional help.
5. Never depend on a guy
The best lesson I ever learned from my parents was to never depend on anyone else to take care of me. With a divorce rate of more than 50 percent, statistics show you may well end up divorced and having to support yourself and your children.
Read the rest of this entry »
When Texting Turns to Torment
From commonsensemedia.org
Dealing with Digital Harassment
Too much texting, too much calling. Are your kids at risk?
- 76% of people ages 14-24 say that digital abuse is a serious problem.
- Compared to 2009, young people in 2011 were significantly more likely to step in if they saw someone “being mean online.”
- Some of the most frequent forms of digital harassment include people writing things online that aren’t true (26%), people writing things online that are mean (24%), and someone forwarding an IM or message that was intended to stay private (20%).
- Digital abuse isn’t generally the act of strangers — perpetrators are usually people the victims know well.
- (All of the above are from the 2011 AP-MTV Digital Abuse study)
Advice & Answers
What Is Digital Harassment?
Digital harassment is when kids and teens use cell phones, social networks, and other communications devices to bully, threaten, and aggressively badger someone. While it’s a form of cyberbullying, “digital harassment” is a bit different because it usually takes place between two people in a romantic relationship.
Certainly, lots of young people conduct healthy relationships and use their online and mobile lives to stay connected to each other. But not all relationships are balanced — especially with teens, whose emotional lives run at peak speeds.
Some relationships can become manipulative and controlling, and teens use the digital devices at their disposal to act out. A few texts a day can turn into a few hundred. Relentless and unreasonable demands escalate. The abuser presses for things like the other person’s passwords(so they can check up on them) and sexy photos and forces their significant other to unfriend people whom the abuser doesn’t like. They may spread lies, impersonate someone, or even resort to blackmail.
Why It Matters
Digital harassment has real consequences for those who’ve been targeted. A 2011 poll conducted by MTV and the Associated Press found that targets of this kind of abuse are more likely to consider dropping out of school, engage in risky behavior, and even think about suicide.
However, there’s a bright spot in all this. The survey also found that kids and teens who discover digital harassment among their friends are now more likely to intervene if they see someone being mean online than they were in 2009.
Large public-awareness campaigns — most notably MTV’s A Thin Line and The Family Violence Prevention Fund’s That’s Not Cool — are helping teens recognize when staying connected crosses the line into digital harassment. These campaigns use kids’ idols — like Justin Bieber — and entertaining videos to give teens the language they need to identify and end digital harassment.
Parents can support their teens by understanding that relationships these days are often played out both online and in public — and kids need their parents’ guidance in establishing appropriate boundaries for healthy relationships. Young love is complicated enough without the added pressure of constant access and public scrutiny. The tips below can help you help your kids navigate these murky waters so they can avoid digital drama for themselves and their friends.
POSTED BY KARA POWELL From Stickyfaith.org at the Fuller Youth Institute ON FEBRUARY 06 2012
As a parent and leader, I am always intrigued in hearing college students and young adults talk about what they wish their families or churches had done differently. As we were filming the Sticky Faith Parent DVD Curriculum, a young adult named Joel so well-articulated a common cry from young people. If you haven’t yet seen the curriculum, let me give you a snapshot of Joel’s story.
Joel’s dad was removed from his family when Joel was young. Trying to raise Joel and his brother and sister alone, Joel’s mom was often and understandably overwhelmed. As Joel’s brother and sister ended up consuming more and more of her energy, Joel’s mom felt like she could basically leave Joel on his own because he seemed to be doing “just fine”.
The reality was that Joel wasn’t “fine”. On the outside, he was a high-performing student, leader, and Christian, but behind closed doors and on Friday nights, he was an out-of-control alcoholic.
But Joel seemed fine. So his mom focused on her other two young adult children, rarely even asking Joel how he was doing.
Looking back, Joel wished that his mom had asked him more questions. That his mom had taken time to send him a note in college, give him a call or a text to let him know she was thinking about him, and probed more into what he was doing on nights and weekends.
She never asked or acted, and Joel stayed silent.
Often teenagers or young people will even tell their parents, “I am fine. I don’t need you to follow up or check up on me.”
Parents, DON’T LISTEN TO THEM. Please. Don’t disengage. Your teenage and emerging adult children still need you to care, listen, and ask questions. They don’t need you to smother/helicopter/hover over them, but they do need you to be an involved presence in their lives.
If your child tells you to leave them alone, don’t do it.
By Sarah White, Special for USA TODAY
Since Jan. 1, California 12-year-olds can get prevention services for sexually transmitted diseases — including the HPV vaccine, hepatitis B vaccine and HIV post-exposure medications — without parental consent. California joins a handful of states with STD-prevention language in their minor-consent laws, including Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Montana, North Carolina, South Dakota and Washington, D.C.
The key to STD prevention is catching kids before they have sex, which is by ninth grade for nearly one-third of teenagers, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports.
Right now, minors in all states can be diagnosed and treated for STDs without a parent’s involvement.
Tips for parents about discussing sex
•Use the teen’s daily life. Whether it’s a Twilight story line or a pregnant classmate, the sexual behaviors around your teen provide great conversation starters, says Carol Ford, chief of adolescent medicine at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. “Ask your teen, ‘What’s your take on that?’ when they’re talking about something happening to their friend” to gauge how your teen sees things and help teens shape their own views.
•Talk early and often. “Plant the idea that you will listen in a non-threatening way, which builds trust,” says Abigail English, director of the Center for Adolescent Health & the Law. If teens can’t ask you for help, send them to an aunt, grandparent or friend’s mother.
•Be “askable.” Teens are more likely to talk when they feel they won’t be judged, says Claire Brindis, professor of pediatrics at the University of California-San Francisco. Try leaving pamphlets on contraception or STDs lying around and asking your teen what he or she thinks.
•Don’t be alarmed. Parents might be upset to see an STD vaccination listed on a health insurance explanation of benefits. But remember, those vaccines are for prevention and do not mean your teen has actually had sex.
Another great post from Walt Mueller‘s Blog from CPYU…
So my nephew – who was a pretty decent football player himself a few years ago – texted me this morning. “Google new canaan football team burns trophies.” My nephew lives in Connecticut near New Canaan, which is how he caught wind of this crazy little story that’s a sign of the times.
Here’s the story. . . . It seems that the New Canaan Black 8th grade football team made the playoffs. They reached the semi-finals but lost. That left them in third place. A few weeks after season’s end, the team had a little party at one player’s home. The players’ parents decided to celebrate the team’s season and success by presenting their boys with trophies. . . third place trophies. The coaches then gathered the boys up and took them and their trophies to a local park, where the coaches then proceeded to have the boys burn the trophies. All three coaches lost their jobs after the incident went public. One coach apologized, saying the message they intended to send was positive one. Residents of the town are concerned that the message that was sent was all wrong – that not finishing first is the same as failure.
As I think about this story, there are a couple of things to ponder here. As a parent of kids who were athletes and as someone who coached for years, I value a positive athletic experience. Athletics is about learning, putting forth an effort, cooperation, and having fun. I never believed that “winning is the only thing.” I know there are coaches that scream, yell, and coach for nobody but themselves. Not good.
On the other hand, we live in a world where kids are coddled, hovered over, and buffered from consequences by parents who are far too child-centered. Everybody needs to get a trophy, a pat on the back, and a “you’re awesome!” even when the effort is mediocre or sub-par. Not good as well.
So, while I don’t fault the parents in this story (I don’t really know. . . I wasn’t there nor do I know the families), it does serve as a reminder that 1)we’ve placed too high a premium on winning, and 2) we coddle our kids way too much. Both are threads running through the fabric of today’s youth culture. In this story the threads cross. . . and look what happened.
What do you think?
by First Electric Newspaper LLC
The Algonquin Village Board Tuesday gave initial approval to a new ordinance banning sale, possession or use of synthetic marijuana within the village. When formally approved it would make Algonquin the first community in McHenry and northern Kane counties to ban “incense” treated with lab versions of cannabinoids, stimulants or hallucinogens that are legal in the sense that the Drug Enforcement Agency hasn’t had time to outlaw them yet.
“Our officers talked to some of the kids,” said Chief Russ Laine. “They say they have it because it’s legal, it’s easy to get and you can’t fail a (drug) test for it.”
Activists complained to the Board earlier this month that synthetic marijuana was a danger to local youth but readily available in local head and tobacco shops. Laine agreed the stuff was dangerous. “The results…you don’t know what the results will be. Just in Algonquin we’ve had hallucinations, convulsions, aggressive behavior.”
The proposed ordinance is based on one drafted by Aurora and the North Central Narcotics Task Force to combat the problem there. It bans sale, possession or use of 16 cannabinoid compounds, 17 stimulants plus 4 different ways to turn them into something else that still works and 8 psychedelics “including salts, isomers, esters and ethers of salts of isomers”. Laine said the Aurora ordinance passed only a couple of months ago so it still hasn’t encountered a legal challenge yet.
Member Bob Smith had problems with an absence of what lawyers call criminal intent. “Does this mean someone could be pulled over having a legal product they bought legally (elsewhere) and arrested here?” he asked. Yes, answered Village attorney Kelly Cahill because, “It’s not a criminal ordinance, it’s a civil act,” she said. “It’s the only way we can handle it.”
The only question still unresolved is the penalty. The draft called for a $750 fine but President John Schmitt thought it ought to be more. “Maybe if it was $2,000 the parents would get involved and it would get some attention,” he said. If there’s a whopping fine, “I’ll take the blame, and I know there’ll be some, if I have to,” he said.
Another ordinance change given first approval Tuesday would tighten up a village ban on drug paraphernalia. Laine said, essentially, it doesn’t outlaw having “bongs and hookahs and pipes”, just ones with evidence they’ve ever been used.
I saw this on Walt Mueller‘s Blog from CPYU…
You can read his reader’s responses here
This week Doug Fields posted an article of mine on his blog encouraging parents to use the “pause button,” the “fast forward button”… and even the “off button” on their TV remotes as they co-view media with kids. Which button does Fox’s Glee require?
This week Glee featured two of the show’s teenage couples each losing their virginity, a homosexual couple (Kurt and Blaine), and a heterosexual couple (Finn and Rachel).
Parents that took time to even notice the show’s content this week are debating the appropriateness. The PTC is outraged (as always), and articles are beginning to emerge asking relevant questions, like this article from Time, What Teen Sex on Glee Really Teaches Kids.
This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Glee address the subject of teenagers losing their virginity. In the 15th episode of Season One, an episode titled “The Power of Madonna,” Glee introduced the same scenario when three couples faced the decision to lose their virginity (the episode was watched by 12.98 million American viewers and was critically acclaimed). After a dream sequence performance of Madonna’s Like a Virgin, two of these teenagers took the plunge and “went all the way” (Finn and Santana), while others didn’t (Rachel, for example). Read the rest of this entry »
With the ubiquity of ever more powerful cell phones, sexting has become an increasing concern for the parents of teenagers and preteens. This article describes how you can protect your child from the dangers of sexting, an activity that has major implications for long-term online reputation and electronic privacy.
Sexting refers to sharing nude or near nude pictures, usually via a mobile phone. Most experts distinguish between sending naked photos, an activity with serious privacy, health and legal implications, and simply sending suggestive text messages, which is less harmful.
Understand why teenagers engage in sexting. Read the rest of this entry »
USATODAY.com By
Kim Painter
Lauren Biglow, a college freshman, once was one of those high school students with crazy, stressful schedules — high-level academics mixed with sports, clubs, community service, and way too little sleep, real food or unstructured fun.
But her parents, she says, were not part of the problem.
“I would come home overflowing with stress over the fact that I had so many things to do simultaneously. And they would say, ‘This is crazy, listen to yourself. You need to take a breath, re-evaluate and decide what you need to cut down on.’ ”
Biglow says she did cut down, a bit, and ended up taking fewer Advanced Placement (AP) classes than some peers. She dropped one of her three sports. It worked out: The spring graduate of Los Altos High School, in California, is at highly regarded Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill. Read the rest of this entry »
Greggornation 